Wednesday, November 24, 2010

How Did I Get Here?

So, why this? Why now?

This isn't my first time around the blog block. I first truly committed myself to on-line writing the year I graduated college. My boss suggested I do it as a release from the tensions of our editorial job. She taught me how to keep my creativity without losing my job.  So for the longest year of my life I posted two to three times a week and became almost 24hrs aware of what others were posting and reaching out to my audience. All of this on top of a job that kept me behind a computer screen for at least 9 hours a day prequel-ed and sequel-ed by an hour and a half commute from my "nice" office to my "sketchy" first apartment.

Then he proposed...

Three hundred ninety-five days and one raise later, I quit. My boss, my mentor and my friend had to only express the fact that she felt I was settling for a small-town with husband baby-on-her-hip type of life for me to realize my ulcer-ridden stomach and I couldn't do this anymore. I was 22 and burnt out.

It's funny how we quarter-lifers can be each others biggest critics.But don't we do it again, and again? "She moved home." "He never went to college." "They accidentally got knocked up." Again, and again and again. Worst of all those is our own self-imposed critiques, "I fill in failure here."

In any case, I moved back to my home state and a true hell-hole of an apartment with my college sweetheart. Jobless and in crisis mode again I turned to a temp agency. Turns out I rocked as a temp, but I craved stability. It fell into my lap when the woman I was covering for had to give up her job due to a medical condition. Thus catapulting me into a stable secretarial income while benefiting from someone's medical misfortunes. But God did the fiance and I argue. What's worse is that I now had something to prove. Don't we all? I think that's almost a staple of the quarter-life crew. We feed off of proving ourselves to the outside world. We need to be able to take it all on.

Exactly one year later we moved again. This time it was into a very nice apartment, much closer to work and even better, they allowed pets. We got a puppy! It's incredible what a baby fox-like mix can do to liven up an other wise empty apartment. From 5pm to 10pm it was me and the pup. From 10am to 2pm it was my fiance and the pup. She did wonders for us both. But I started to get anxious. I was planning a wedding which, in that alone, I should have found satisfaction and every spare moment filled in with activity, but it wasn't enough. I have a college education, a degree! I'm doing a job that not only doesn't use it, but doesn't require it. Did I mention that I'm still paying half a thousand each month on this golden nugget of entitlement?  And that doesn't figure in my now husband's own debts as he also went to the same over-priced establishment that we both still adore. So I started an on-line business. One which would allow me to turn others literary dreams into fulfillment while offering them readers from around the world whilst also offering both the author and I a decent sum of satisfaction for our wallets. I thought it went brilliantly. My author did not. Let's just say that her dreams were rather grander in nature then was feasible in reality. The "failure" crushed me. I put away my fancy new company website and picked up a therapist to deal with this and oh Lord, so much more.

Once again, I'm back in crisis mode...

Now I'm in college- again. As of January I will be working and attending school full-time while I work on obtaining my teaching certification.My course load is almost as big as was required for my bachelor's degree. It doesn't stop there either. We moved again. How could we honestly afford something so nice and new while becoming a struggling student, wife, puppy and husband? It's nice though. It's warm and good God it's a means to and end.

So my dear readers, both young, old, quarter-life and otherwise, what is your current crisis? I can sense the stress from here.


Hilary said...

What a wonderful post....I feel like I really met you! I had a major quarter life crisis in my mid-twenties- hated EVERYTHING about my life... But, I slowly changed it all, and I have been loving my thirties! You are right though, regardless of where we are in our lives, we are all stressed! Have a great thanksgiving!

Sandra said...

I'm your first follower! Please don't feel the need to come over and follow back, I'm not that kind of blogger.
I read your story and I could totally relate, and you moved me, and you're a terrific writer. So here I am!
I won't go into a long drawn out story about myself, suffice it to say, that I too am a fulltime student (nursing), I have four children, a husband, and blogging is definitely my favourite thing to do in the whole wide world...actually no, I prefer to lay on the beach...
Keep on writing, I look forward to more.

Krebster said...

Thanks Hilary! I hope your Thanksgiving was a fabulous one as well. Very happy to hear that your thirties are treating you so well. I hope mine turn out the same :).

Hi Sandra! Thanks for becoming my first follower :). Very exciting stuff! Wow, nursing, good for you. I can only imagine how difficult a career path that is, especially working through getting your education while being a mom. Kudos to you!